It's finally my turn to complain. Like all of you who have participated in this blogathon, whether this year or in the past, know that one side or the other usually gives us a difficult time. This year, it was a bit more difficult finding a hated movie that tickled my fancy. Finding one you guys loved, but just grated my nerves was pretty easy. Let's start there.
I HATE
The insane amounts of love for this one started piling up right from the beginning. Reportedly, it was given a ten minute standing ovation after its first screening at the famed Sundance Film Festival. That love continued right through to four Oscar nominations, including Best Picture, and a win for Best Adapted Screenplay. And it wasn't just the snobs who run moviedom. You guys were all in on this one, too. During awards season, someone was in my Twitter timeline telling the world how beautiful this movie was on a daily basis. Because of all the high praise, and because I try to see every movie nominated for Best Picture, I watched it. And ewwww.
Let's start with the plot.
Elio (Timothee Chalamet) is a 17 year old kid living with his folks in Italy. His dad is a big-time professor and invites his 24 year old assistant Oliver (Armie Hammer) to stay with them through the summer and help with some research. Before you know it, Elio and Oliver are having a torrid love affair. Not to spoil it for you, but no one involved objects to any of this in the slightest.
What?
Maybe you missed the part I have a problem with it. As a matter of fact, I will show it by itself to give it some emphasis. Are you ready? Okay, here it goes...
Elio is a 17 year old kid living with his folks in Italy.
Again...
Elio is a 17 year old kid.
Got it? Good. Let's expand the point.
Oliver is creepy, at best, and a pedophile, at worst. The film makes it clear that Elio is struggling with all sorts of emotions on top of still trying to figure out his sexuality. Meanwhile, the adult Oliver is shown to be much more sure of himself and far wiser about the world, as he should be. His behavior towards Elio comes off as predatory. At every chance, he maneuvers Elio into situations where the two can be alone. It doesn't help that he's played by a man whom I not only know is closer to 40 than 20 (he was 31 during filming), but he looks it, too. These things plus Armie Hammer's sheer size, the dude stands 6'5", mark him as the one in control of this relationship. My problem is not that Oliver exists, but that we're supposed to be sympathetic towards his plight. His plight? He's a poor, closeted soul who can't be openly gay due to the times he's living in.
Spare me.
There's a bigger problem than Oliver in this film. Elio's parents suck. Eventually, they find out about what's been going on. They do nothing. Scratch that, they do something worse. They treat it like it's just a case of puppy love between two teenagers. They coddle Elio and tell him how he will benefit from this experience in the long run.
What?
No.
Better, yet...
If you're a regular reader, you know have daughters. My youngest is 16. If I found out she was sleeping with anybody there would be hell to pay. If I found out that person were 24 years old, I'm going to jail for murder. But let me put it back on us as a collective. Every single day there are stories in the news about grown-ups taking advantage of kids. And every single day, people are rightfully up in arms with rage at the people who commit these heinous acts. We don't just want them thrown in jail, we want far worse to happen them. Yet, as soon as it's put in a movie where the perpetrator is not framed for us as a villain we're suddenly all okay with it? Do we really need it spelled out for us that this dude is no different than the countless teachers in their 20s whose mugshots have flashed across our TV screens for having sex with their students? He's not. Screw this movie. While we're at it, screw 2009's An Education for precisely the same reason.
I LOVE
Way back in 1989, before Marvel was a Disney-backed Hollywood powerhouse, they let a company called New World Pictures produced a movie called The Punisher. It was based on one of their characters who was really just becoming very popular and starred Dolph Lundgren of Rocky IV fame. It was a bomb. Over the years, it developed a bit of a cult following, but Marvel has pretty much disavowed it. In 2004, they would take their own crack at it with another movie with the same title and with Thomas Jane in the starring role. It was better, but still not good. It was more faithful to its comic book roots than its predecessor, but when applied to the big screen this is rather generic. You know the old story of someone's family being slaughtered so they exact revenge on everyone who was involved in any way. See? There are thousands of those movies. It didn't help that the pure brutality of the character was watered down to fit a PG-13 rating. Marvel heard the message loud and clear and in gave us Punisher: War Zone four years later. Thomas Jane was ditched in favor of Ray Stevenson, who really does look just like the comic book character. The PG-13 was bypassed for a hard R. Blood and guts were everywhere, all the time. It was glorious, and you still hated it.
Sigh.
The opening scene, features our hero Frank Castle breaking into a crime lord's dinner party and ruthlessly murdering everyone in the room. And the camera doesn't flinch. We're talking snapped necks, knives in the face, chair legs through eye sockets, and bullets riddling every part of the body. The movie never lets up from there. What's not to love?
Apparently, you snooty types didn't like the storytelling or the acting. Were they bad? Yeah. Was all the way over the top action enough to make up for it? Hell yeah!
Sadly, it bombed at the box office, making only $10.1 million against a budget of $35 million. As you saw above, critics trashed it. The two facts combined to make Marvel listen very carefully. They had suddenly become major players with the summer success of Iron Man earlier in 2008 and decided on a new path. They swiftly blamed the movie's problems mostly on its gore and swore off making any R-rated movies. So far, they haven't gone back on that, unless you count Logan and the Deadpool movies, which are based on their characters but they didn't actually make. I'm pretty sad about this because, if nothing else, Punisher: War Zone was all sorts of fun to watch even if it was a complete narrative mess. You just can't beat seeing a bad guy's head explode when our hero shoots them in the face at point blank
I was reminded of this movie as I watching Call Me By Your Name and again when I chose it for this topic. During the entire runtime, I kept thinking how wonderful it would be for Frank Castle to show up out of nowhere to punch, kick, choke, stab, and shoot the ever-loving shit out of Oliver. Then, Frank could stick a grenade in Oliver's mouth, pull the pin, and walk away as his head explodes all over Elio's parents.
Full circles, people.
Unfortunately, there were no entries in the blogathon yesterday. However, we've still had plenty of fun this week. Click below to see what beloved movies everyone else railed against and the hated ones they adore.
It's not too late to get your entry in! Click here to join the fun.
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