12/12/12 – 0 out of 5
Naturally, after watching The Asylum’s 11/11/11, I had to watch their other film 12/12/12. At first glance, you would think this is a sequel but it literally has nothing to do with the other film. I guess they just found making a movie centered on a date to be a fun idea and decided another go at it was warranted. This one is notable because of the fact it is really, really bad. The Asylum is no stranger to terrible films but this one takes bad in a whole new direction.
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| Seriously, this is just a big joke from The Asylum, right? They couldn't have possibly taken this seriously. |
Veronica (Sara Malakul Lane) has given birth to a baby boy and soon finds herself surrounded by death and terror. Her husband suddenly kills herself, a mysterious man (Jesus Guevara) kinda/sorta attempts to kidnap the baby now and again (but never really tries too hard for some reason), and after the police and the state step in to try and remove this baby named Sebastian from her life, all the people involved start dying. Soon, it is revealed that Sebastian is the spawn of Satan and is taken by a cult in order to fulfill his destiny as a dark lord but can a mother’s love be stronger than the darkness within?
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| Normally when I watch films about evil kids, I say it teaches me to stay the course and not be a father but this movie makes me want kids just to spite The Asylum and their terrible movies. |
Like I said, 12/12/12 is really bad. Probably one of the worst that The Asylum has produced. Like 11/11/11, this one is lifting from other horror films and, in this case, mainly Rosemary’s Baby. The only problem is the writing is just atrocious. Putting aside that Rosemary’s Baby was written and directed by Roman Polanski, that film does a tremendous job of showcasing paranoia and mystery. 12/12/12 doesn’t seem to want to put in the effort because there really is no mystery about the child. The moment we are introduced to Sebastian, he murders the people who helped give birth to him so for the rest of the film you are left with the knowledge that Sebastian is just an evil spawn and, in doing so, robs the story of having any sort of intrigue or mystery to engage the viewer.
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| I think this is suppose to be spooky, seeing a baby just randomly out in the wild, but it just makes me think of Kung Pow. |
To make matters worse, the film desperately wants you to believe that the character of Veronica loves her son despite him being evil but won’t put in the work to make you believe or feel it. Essentially, the film is expecting you to connect the dots and just assume it is due to a mother’s unconditional love. The problem that arrives here is that, for starters, this is lazy and, secondly, the viewer has seen Sebastian do nothing but bad things and it is obvious from the get-go that he is evil incarnate so it is impossible to feel any sympathy towards Veronica’s plight. If the script was put in more capable hands, the film could have been written where Veronica is never subjected to Sebastian’s evil and the baby’s diabolical deeds aren’t made so obviously and then, as a viewer, you might get why this mother is hesitant to just believe her son is pure evil. Overall, though, the script is just plain bad as the film literally has a scene where evil baby Sebastian performs oral sex on his mother and she just lets it go after a brief moment of panic. She literally takes a shower after it happens like it somehow erased the effed up thing that we, as viewers, just had to witness. Also, this moment of shock isn’t enough to erase just how terrible this film is.
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| This man truly deserves an award for overacting the shit out of his role...and he still ends up looking like someone the director just pulled off the street. He somehow manages to look like he's trying too hard and not at all at the same time. |
In the end, the bad story is what really kills 12/12/12. All the other usual entertainment killers that infect films from this production company are here but they just aren’t as predominate as the awful script. Yes, the performances all feel like the cast is comprised of actors who have been told that they are very talented and are arrogantly unaware that they aren’t, the editing is barely passable, and the lighting and camera work are only moderately serviceable. All these are fine and easy to tease and riff on and so is the atrocious internal logic the story has (like Veronica visiting a friend a hundred miles away and the same cop who was called to her house when her husband died is showing up at the friend’s home—I’m pretty certain that isn’t your jurisdiction, pal). Then, to top it off, it’s essentially meant to be a horror/thriller but the atmosphere that is just farted out is not conducive for chills or thrills. Ultimately, however, the story and plot are so poorly and apathetically done that it felt like a chore to tease this one and it ended up getting my lowest score of all.
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