(378) Ah, to be a stuffed hornet + links

Watch Movies TV -

• Hello, my dearest people! Yes, it is Thursday but since shockingly I'm going out tomorrow (I do have a social life once every few months) and since the attendance on last RF wasn't great (come on, people!) I'm dropping the new one early to give you a chance to process it before my Best of 2018 list drops of Sunday.
• Wheeew, there's a lot to process this week.
• Captain Marvel's social media reactions are here and they are glowing! And here's an absolutely brilliant promo highlighting the clear standout - the cat!
• Jason is so excited about joining Dune, It's adorable. They are gonna have so much fun with him. And just imagine how adorably small Oscar Isaac will look next to him!
• All of you get your sexy asses to the cinema - November 20th next year.
• His power!
• Aquaman is now one of the 20 highest grossing films of all time!
• AMPAS is now going to present all the categories during broadcast. However the ceremony is this week and the insanity is still going strong. I am sure somehow they will drag the Obamas into this mess.
• Oh but this takes the cake. So the actual nominated songs are shortened but Brian May and his powdered wig get the whole gig? What the hell?! This is all nauseating. 
• "Rami Malek is going to win — everywhere I've gone, Rami Malek was there; he's a very charming fellow. I've now spent more time with him than I have with my dog." Go spend time with your dog, you fucking asshole. 
• Fucking Netflix.They made Jon sad! And all of us too, this was the greatest porn on Netflix!
• And that's not all. Netflix is making a movie where Chris Hemsworth will play Hulk Hogan. I have no words.
• Deleted scene from A Star is Born featuring Diggin' My Grave!
• The trailer for final season of Veep is here! I'm so sad the show is ending but so happy it's finally coming back.
• Teaser for second season of The Hunting of Hill House which will apparently be the adaption of The Turn of the Screw.
• So here's what I watched since last RF:
• 
• Destroyer was good. But it wasn't anything too special and the reveal of her past the whole movie was building up to was pretty predictable. However, Kidman was amazing and it's insane how different her roles in 2018 movies were. I loved that she was playing the part that was basically typical male part in western but everyone treated her like she was gross just because she was a woman. Double standards at full display here and portrayed very effectively. 
• Mary Queen of Scots was such a great movie! Both Saoirse and Margot made my best actress and best supporting actress line up last minute (I'm publishing my best of 2018 list in two days!). The trailer suggested it will look cheap but it's anything but - the film actually looks very grand, the music is wonderful and the cinematography was gorgeous. It's also such a terrific portrayal of how hard it was for women in power back then - even when they were Queens - to do what they wanted and to keep their position.
• Also Jack Lowden is really hot.
• 
• He is actually younger than me.
• Oh God.
• I'm so on my way to become a cougar, aren't I?
• 
• London Fields was just awful but Amber managed to deliver surprisingly great performance there, effortlessly changing her personas for the men she was seducing. Also there were few moments in this movie where she was an absolute dead ringer for Sharon Stone. Look at that! -->
• As terrible as the movie was I think Jim Sturgess' performance should really be witnessed by everyone. It's so incredibly awful I don't think that only he was high as they were shooting his scenes but every single person around him must have been too. There is no other explanation for that footage to remain in the movie. It's unbelievable.
• I also saw At Eternity's Gate. Dafoe was great and Oscar Isaac spoke French but good God that camera work....the cinematography would be really lovely if we could actually see the images instead of being interrupted by the constant shaking. It was insane. I was watching it from my bed and I still got dizzy.
• So it seems like pretty varied - and in most cases ambitious - stuff I watched over the weekend, right? It does. But that's not all I saw.
• Bird Box yourselves, here comes the perving.
• Mario hard stared the shit out of me during the weekend because I talked trash about Zac Efron so much when he was next to Hugh in TGS. I believe my exact words were that you guys should come here and stage an intervention if I'm ever into him.
• But you see I recently realized that Mr. Efron is older than me so I can perv and not feel like I'm robbing the cradle which is the only thing that ever holds me back. I had no idea he is over 30. Also Jackman is playing silent on all the rapists I've worked with game so guess who I'm focusing on when I rewatch TGS soon?
• (But I do think - and I cannot stress this enough - that you guys should still travel here and stage an intervention for me).
• I rewatched The Paperboy and that movie is pure insanity. I cannot believe there is a scene in cinematic history where Nicole Kidman pisses on Zac Efron. My review may be - I'm sorry, totally is - even more filthy than that.
• I also rewatched The Disaster Artist. He seriously nearly stole the show there. Based on that scene alone he is my choice for Batman. Robert Pattinson could never be this intimidating. 
• 
• Baywatch was funny. There I said it. It was really dumb but I kept laughing. 
• This almost killed me.
• Oh God.
• I may be brain dead.
• Seriously though, it's actually admirable that he plays such dumb characters. Shows humility. I have a deeper thought in there somewhere but it keeps escaping me because I added the gif above before writing it down and now I'm hypnotized.
• And then I saw Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates. That was actually much funnier than I excepted after the horrid trailer and Aubrey Plaza was far from the nastiest she can be (that was in the next movie I watched). I normally cannot stand Adam Devine but his girlish screams in this movie were absolutely hilarious. 
• The massage scene is going to haunt me forever, though. 
• Why, Kumal?
• Why?
• Also, relatable:
• 
• And then....yes. I watched Dirty Grandpa. 
• It was a terrible movie. There's legit a moment where there is a picture of him naked and a dog is, apparently, humping him. Aubrey Plaza reaches such nasty heights I needed a shower JUST from witnessing her character. Robert De Niro says lines that are just....soul crushing.
• But it doesn't matter.
• Because all of this happened. And please do scroll down so you can witness all the gifs.
• I was watching it from my bed and I sat up so fast I almost fell off it.
• Evidently his butt is so powerful the gifs of it survived Tumblr's R-rated stuff purge. There's like no butts on Tumblr....but this is still there.
• And yes, that is a stuffed hornet...
• ...
• .....
• ......
• On his penis.
• And thus now you know the meaning of this week's RF's title. 
• I'm gonna give you a bit of time so you guys can take a bath in bleach.
• We good?
• OK, let's continue.
• Because Mother of God THERE'S MORE.
• I have a question - what the fuck is it with some of sexy bits from trailers missing from his movies? This from Baywatch, this from Neighbors 2 and this from Mike and Dave. The gif of that bulge made me watch it in the first place! There's enough material for some really good porn just from deleted scenes!
• Or maybe....those did happen in the films but....I blacked out?
• This is actually a strong possibility.
• Oh, then I remembered he sings.
• It got worse.
• So much worse.
• I will be rewatching The Greatest Showman tomorrow and I will livetweet it. May God have mercy on your souls, those of you who witness it.
• 
• Sek reviews Isn't it Romantic?
• Katy writes about A Star is Born in the Oscar race
• Gemma reviews Little Mermaid
• Alex wonders who will win the Oscar for Best score
• Brittani predicts Oscar winners
• Keith reviews Cold Pursuit
• Courtney reviews Cold War
• Sonia reviews At Eternity's Gate
• Diana writes about The Umbrella Academy
• And finally, as sure as it is that I will perv in RF (and every day on twitter), it is also sure that when there is a trainwreck in cinemas Mario will see it. So here he is with his review of Serenity. Also Mario is hosting a blogathon AND YOU ALL BETTER JOIN IT. Or I'll yell on you on twitter. Do you want an unstable person who listened to Rewrite the Stars 10 times today already to yell at you? You do not want that. Believe me.
• 
  

RELATED POSTS: