Bird Box – 2 out of 5
Is it possible that there is a person who has no idea what Bird Box is? With its months of promotion to all the stories about how many people streamed it to the endless memes that have been created out of it, does the possibility exist that there is at least one person in the world who has no idea what this movie is? Of course, there is. Almost all things are possible. Now, different question: Is the movie worthy of the hype? For me? Nope.
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| Plot Twist: The bird was inside us the whole time...because the bird is the real monster and it kills from within. |
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| Shit, now Louis CK has gone rapid and is attacking women in boats. |
A pregnant artist; Malorie (Sandra Bullock), is escorted to the hospital by her sister (Sarah Paulson) for a checkup as reports of mass suicides and widespread panic spread across Europe. The reports claim that people are seeing mysterious creatures that drive the people insane. After the checkup, the occurrence spreads to the U.S., and Malorie loses her sister in the process and is forced to find security in a nearby home. As the world crumples and dies outside the walls, she tries to survive with the small group she is with and that includes giving birth to her baby. Inside, they learn that as long as they never look at the monster, they will never succumb to the madness; however, a day comes when she hears of a sanctuary from the unseen monsters and now must risk a long journey with two children at her side and no way to see the horrors that exist in front of her.
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| I don't have to say anything about John Malkovich's character because whatever assumptions you are making about who and what he played, there is a 90% chance you are correct. |
I really wanted to like Bird Box because it starts great. As the madness hits the world around Bullock’s character, it really grabbed me. Additionally, there is a terrific cast. You got Sandra Bullock, Trevante Rhodes, John Malkovich, Sarah Paulson, Lil Rel Howery, BD Wong and tons more. However, I ended not enjoying this film. In fact, the longer the movie went (and, sadly, this one does not have a reasonable running length for its premise and tale) the more I found I was getting bored and just wanted it to end. So, despite me really enjoying the beginning, where did it all go wrong for me?
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| "Run, this movie is essentially a tweaked version of The Happening but with slightly better acting." |
Right off the bat, the story’s antagonistic threat (the unseen monster that has no form or substance) has a major plot hole connected to it that drove me bonkers. I won’t get into the details of it due to spoilers but let’s say that the longer the film went the more annoying and grating I found it. The film also has major issues with its characters. While the cast is filled with tremendously talented people, the characters they are playing aren’t very dimensional and are honestly flat and boring. They lacked the depth necessary for me to get invested in their plight. On a basic level I wanted to see Bullock, the children and others survive because they were decent human beings and don’t deserve to go insane and kill themselves but on a more dynamic scale the writing never presents any of them beyond simplistic character traits so they ended up just being faces in a crowd or empty shells that I couldn’t invest emotionally over. The biggest killer, though, and the thing that ultimately made getting to the credits feel a bit like a chore, is the fact I found nothing thriller or tense within the conflict.
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| Oh, I get it. The movie is a metaphor and Malorie represents white people and the monster represents their white privilege and the blind fold is how they choose to ignore it and act like it isn't there. |
When the madness is going down at the beginning, I was entertained and engaged with all the insanity of the people around Malorie. While I openly admit I didn’t find this part of the film scary or tense, I did find it entertaining because it promised so much potential for something to happen later. The major promise this type of scene offers is insanity on a smaller scale—something more personal and threatening than mass mayhem. This is where the film felt flat for me because the experience felt very passive rather than active. A film like A Quiet Place spoke to me because the film is crafted to make the viewer feel like they are a part of the action. With a minimal score and sound design that put the viewer into the same spot as the characters, it created tense and heightened moments of suspense and terror. Bird Box never accomplishes this, in my opinion. The main selling point is this threat forces you to abandon your sense of sight but that is only true of the characters. As a viewer, I see everything that is going on and a sense of the unknown is taken away from me. This happens despite the fact you never actually get to see the monster but you see enough of its carnage that the mystique is stolen away. Occasionally, we get a first person POV of the main characters in their blindfolds but these moments are fleeting and hold no impact when they come and go. When this lack of atmosphere and tension is added to a running length that felt too long and the entire experience feels tedious and overdone before the third act ever arrived.
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| Maybe the real reason I don't like this film is because of how it wasted the talents of Lil Rel Howery. |
I really wanted to like Bird Box because it does have a lot of potential. It has small problems like trivial characters that are hard to invest in but its major problems like a story that drags (and honestly feels aimless at points) to its complete lack of atmosphere ended up making the film incredibly forgettable and feeling like it was nothing more than hype. Sadly, the memes are more entertaining and satisfying than the actual film.
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