So you're sitting in a movie theater, in the perfect seats, you were expecting a pretty good time, and the film unspooling before your eyes is pure trash. It's not enjoyable trash, either. It's that unbearable trash that doesn't know that it's trash, and is void of any laughter - intentional or not. You now have a decision to make. Do you tough it out? I mean, you paid for it, might as well finish it. Or, do you say, "Screw it," to yourself, "Excuse me," to at least half a dozen people as you try to get from your glorious seat in the middle to the aisle, and stomp down the stairs, munching, and dropping popcorn on your way to the exit while muttering to yourself about how cinema has gone to hell.
Our fearless leader, Wanderer at Wandering Through the Shelves wants you to tap into that feeling for this week's topic for Thursday Movie Picks, movies you walked out of. Personally, I've never actually walked out of a movie. I've been close a few times, threatened to a bunch of times, but I always decided that if I spent my money to see a movie, then dammit, I'm going to see a movie. I will, however, I found a way to be involved. Let's see how.
Executive Decision
(1996)
My sister-in-law and her late husband (RIP) were the biggest Steven Seagal fans on planet Earth. I don't say this likely. Years after his hey-day, they were still buying all of his straight-to-DVD garbage and making us watch it at family gatherings. Way back in 1996, when Seagal was actually a big deal, he showed up in the trailer for this movie. Excitedly, they went to see it, expecting big things from their boy. I mean, they would never pass up the opportunity to see him kick ass. As if it were a bonus, Kurt Russell and Halle Berry were also in this. Sis-in-law and hubby get to the theater, (spoiler alert) Seagal dies 20 minutes in, they're so simultaneously stunned and pissed off, they walk out in the next five minutes. They flat out refused to ever finish watching this movie. And I'm not even joking.
V for Vendetta
(2005)
This time, my brother was the guilty party. He and his then wife showed up to the theater expecting a pretty straight-forward superhero flick. If you've seen it, you know it isn't that. It's steeped in politics and dialogue, and takes its time creating its world, and building toward its climax. It's a film for the patient, of which he is not. He likes the ass-kickings in his movies to come early and often. Early on, V our hero who really is a supporting character, spouts off his most memorable lines, beginning with, "Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate." He goes on for quite a bit with a veritable volley of vivid vocabulary words vaulting from his vocal chords landing with velvety smoothness upon the ear. This put my brother on high alert. A few more minutes went by without things becoming more to his liking so, yeah, he and his wife bounced.
Sorry to Bother You
(2018)
This is undeniably, one of the weirdest movies I've ever experienced on the big screen. I loved it since that very first viewing, but I was kind of on island among my fellow movie-goers. It was one of those after 10 PM showings after it had been out a few weeks so the theater wasn't that full. There may have been 15, 20 people, tops, including myself and my daughter. If you've seen it, or read my review, you know there's a pretty specific occurrence that lets you know that now is the time to decide whether or not you're going to continue with this movie and how you'll feel about it. Though it's a comedy, it's quite heady, and at times even, heavy. There wasn't much laughter going on, and most of it was done by me, all by my lonesome. So it was no surprise when, precisely at that point, several couples got up and left. As good as I think this movie is, it wasn't at all what they signed up for. (Full Review)
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